There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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