I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
