Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Found the puke drawer
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
