I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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