His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
