My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
