I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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