After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
