I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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