Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
