She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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