hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
