Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
