You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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