so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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