honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
