After last night, I could never be a politician.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
