I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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