I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize