I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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