I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
