I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
