This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
