I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
