Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
