WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
