I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
