i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
