I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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