New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
