Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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