I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
