this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
