One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
