I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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