at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
