I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
