I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
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You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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