plz talk dirty to me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So much Jack, so little girl.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
