I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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