Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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