I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
