I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
