If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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