your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
