Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
