It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
