Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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