I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
