I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
