You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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