with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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