all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
