I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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