i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
