clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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