Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
