3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
