the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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