i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
