I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
