I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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