Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
