rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
