for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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