All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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