i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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