he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
either way he was missing a nipple.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
