I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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