i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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