When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
