Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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