I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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