Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
