HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
